Not a Baby Anymore

October 20th was the first day that Tre didn't request to nurse. It was the first day that my little boy made the choice to leave his bedroom without sitting with Mommy in the rocking chair. It was a bittersweet moment. We had been gearing up for this for the past month and putting a little more pressure on him recently with Jammer coming into the room and being a little distracting as Tre was nursing which would then cause Tre to stop and we would play with him and take him out of his room. He wasn't very happy about it and would cry a little bit but he would eventually move past it as long as Daddy continued to make him laugh and play with him.

It was time and a part of me was ready, he was almost 15 1/2 months old and as much as I enjoyed the bonding time I was ready to have my body to myself again. I was proud, I had told myself make it to 12 months and when I went past that goal it was all bonus time at that point.

Looking back at the entire experience and remembering how I was feeling at the beginning, I kept thinking, there is no way I am going to make it to 12 months. It was so difficult to figure out for me at first and the constant wondering, was he getting enough to eat at each nursing? How are the foods I eat affecting his milk? When he is teething, am I going to get bitten? Which happened more often than I would like to remember - considering the fact that he was an early teether and had 16 teeth before 12 months of age. Why does he get so distracted so easily? Therefore not allowing nursing to be an easy process when we aren't at home. The different types of pain that a mother experiences throughout the process, mastitis being the all time worst for me and happened quite a few times towards the end where I would feel like the flu just hit me like a ton of bricks.

All things now that they are over are sort of missed because thinking about all the great moments him and I had when it was just us. The one thing that ONLY I could give him. My body fed and nourished him to help make the strong little boy that he is today! I would love how he would snuggle up to me and his little feet would wriggle a little as he was nursing. His hand reaching for my face and feeling the different features. It is amazing that women have this ability! One of the miracles of life!!

There definitely were some points over the past couple weeks where I think Tre would kind of want to but then would realize it wasn't going to happen and have minor meltdowns. Mostly when he would wake up in the morning or after his nap and he would begin to cry when he realized that I was going to take him out of his crib and we were going to leave the room without that rocking chair moment. But for the most part, he is doing very well and we have replaced nursing with his absolute favorite beverage, a smoothie. Milk, yogurt, frozen fruits of choice, broccoli and half a banana. He LOVES them.

Luckily and thankfully I have been blessed with the opportunity to be home with Tre so him and I can bond in other ways when no one else is around. Such a change in our lives to not have to worry about the nursing but it will be missed and I look forward to the next child and being able to go through this experience with them.